Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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