I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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