i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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