i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
