He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
