I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize