She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
