so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
