I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
