dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
