and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
