There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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