why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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