Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
