drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
