I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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