He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
