Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
