Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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