judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
