So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
