I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
