I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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