i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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