So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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