i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize