She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
