it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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