Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
