you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
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