Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize