I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
