true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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