How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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