White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
