thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
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