I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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