I got chris browned last night
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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