im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize