I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
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