Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
