Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
