my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
