Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
