He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
