just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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