No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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