Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
