I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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