4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
