Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
