He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
