my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
