I smell stomach acid.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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