Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
