You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
