Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
