I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
