The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
