nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
