I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
