I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize