sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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