She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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