"it" just moved
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize