ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
