the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
