i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
