This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
