hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
