your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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