i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
