You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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