FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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