capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
