Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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