She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
